A Better Life is Waiting

Rising up from the slums, from the bowels of humanity-

I'm fighting for my sanity

I'm feeling and I'm healing, my senses are reeling-

My life--the system's been steeling

But it's time to move forward, for the joke's on me-

I need to open my eyes so that I can finally see-

That this degenerate life is not for me,

I must try to bring forth my abilities

I could have been dead so many times before

I need not dwell in the depths of hell anymore-

I must settle the score...

With unhindered motivation, I will move forward into the land of the free

It exists over an unseen horizon, where a better life is waiting

For you and for me---For all of humanity...

Humble Yourself

Arrogance is such an ugly personality trait to possess. When people come off as arrogant, cocky, condescending, and the like, there is usually a deep-seated insecurity that lies beneath. When one has to make an effort to show others that they are superior, the "superiority is usually a carefully laid out facade.

   Humble, modest---do these words mean anything to anyone anymore? Or did they become extinct when society started teaching us that our sense of worth is how many degrees we have on our wall or how many figures make up our yearly salary???

  To be truly wise is to know that you know nothing at all. To be truly wise is to always be open to new ideas, doctrines, and philosophies, and to always be learning new things with the eyes of a newborn child and with a mind as open as the vast plains...

   Instead of the common term " ignorance is bliss", rather I believe that innocence is bliss. To be able to live innocently does not parallel immaturity or naivety. To be able to exist with an aura of innocence actually requires some intelligence.

   When someone gets set in their ways and has closed off their mind to new possibilities and alternative ways of thinking and living, that is when their spiritual growth is stunted. They are just treading water but not swimming...

   To be humble and modest is to never let your pride or ego get in the way. Life is not a competition against others!!! If anything, life is a competition against yourself---to be able to challenge and push yourself towards goals conductive to being a better human being, always able to admit your faults and shortcomings---now THAT takes a genuinely strong person. No one likes to admit when they are wrong, but to be able to reflectively look at one's self is a quality that is imperative to possess in order for one's soul to grow.

   Beauty has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like on the outside. True beauty has everything to do with how you are on the inside. You can be a stunningly gorgeous person on the outside, but you can be so ugly if you are rotting on the inside...

  Now people, I know that we all have been brainwashed in this man-created society, but we have our OWN minds, we can create our OWN reality. The media doesn't have to dictate our values, how we choose to live, and who we are as a person. We have our own minds, and we are intelligent and intuitive enough to know what is REALLY important. Not how many degrees we have, how many words we know, how many cars are in our garage, and so on and so on. What is REALLY important is what kind of person we are, more descriptively, how kind, compassionate, forgiving, empathetic, open-minded, non-judgemental, supportive, encouraging, and passionate we are.

   Life can be over in the blink of an eye if you're always wallowing in your misery or striving to get to the "top". We need to live in the moment, the only thing that exists is the here and now. Soon this exact moment will be just a memory. We may not think much of it now, but after a good amount of time goes by, we will look back on our "past" with a sense of nostalgia... Then we will wish that we appreciated the moment when it was actually here!!!

   The only thing that we need to know is that we know nothing. The meaning of life is to give life meaning. Stay humble, modest, and true... Stay simple.... Simplicity is the closest thing to heaven... Don't compromise your soul for anything or anybody... You are a beautiful innocent child, who always wants to learn, grow, and embrace change.

Children as Teachers

We can learn a lot from small children and animals, for they are still "new", pure, trusting----Completely unscathed.

   They are completely innocent and hold no judgments. The world that they trustingly perceive as "real", their

eyes "new" and filled with awe....

   Fully appreciating things, never taking anything for granted... These pure souls find pleasure in the simplest of things, never over-analyzing or being "guarded"...

   These innocent creatures are filled with wild imagination... pure love and inspiration beyond belief...

We all came from that innocence, from the RAW SIMPLICITY of our MOTHER EARTH....

We all can return to this childlike purity...

We can find the child within us, and take their hand. Take the hand of your inner child and lead him or her to salvation, redemption. Nurture your inner child, tell them that they need not be afraid anymore!!!

   So we can return to the ways of our birth, return to our innocence. Small children are so beautiful, and we can learn so much from them. They can remind us to s"stop and smell the flowers", enjoy the simple things in life.

   We are all just little innocent children inside who want to love and be loved. That is all that everyone wants in the end...Instead of thinking arrogantly and being condescending to our youth, maybe we need to take a lesson from them.

   Let the children be our teachers!!! Children look at the world with NEW EYES... Children appreciate beauty and naturally harness compassion and empathy.

   So "Hail to the children!" You are not only our future, but you are our teachers!!!

Whatever the Mind Can Conceive and Believe, the Mind Can Achieve

I'm about to talk about something called "thought- manifestation". What we believe in our minds is true, IS TRUE. We create our own reality, and we really can achieve anything that we believe.

   To define a purpose is the starting point of all things achieved. Without a purpose and plan, people drift aimlessly through life. Ideas form the foundation. Once we learn how to harness the power of our minds and organize our knowledge, we can begin to learn how to keep our minds trained and focused on the things that we want to manifest, and off of the things that we don't.

   When trying to manifest a reality for yourself, you have to create an alliance with other minds with the goal of a common purpose. Minds collaborating together creates a proactive energy and is much more effective than only your mind alone. A reality cannot manifest itself clearly without the conscious or unconscious cooperation of others. An active alliance of two or more minds in a spirit of perfect harmony for the attainment of a common objective, stimulates growth and change. There is thus a higher degree of courage that that ordinarily experienced, and paves the way for a state of mind known as "faith".

   Faith is actually not just a quality that one possesses, but also an active state of mind. This "blind belief" is applied to achieving a definite major purpose in life. What I mean by "blind belief" is that it has no basis in fact. Faith is a purely mental concept. When we apply faith, we are listening to our gut instinct and following our heart. And just to have faith alone is not enough. Action is the first requirement of all faith. Having faith that things are going to unfold the way that you "will" them to, that things are going to come together as they should--- is only half of the battle. Now you must apply "action"...

   There is something called the Universal Law. It it the law that governs "karma", and evenly and rightly disperses energy. This Universal Law neither permits anyone to get something for nothing, nor allows any form of giving or labor to go unrewarded. So give a little more than what you get... as often as possible. The Universal Law also governs the Law of Compensation. If you continuously put positive energy, good deeds, and good karma into the universe, the universe will reward you.

   What is true in our minds IS TRUE. We DO create our own reality. We are all just energy in the shell of a human body. Having a moral code and a personal initiative is vital to creating your own destiny. Creative vision is also essential. Our minds are very powerful. We can create the vision, but then we must apply our faith and consciously put our plan into action. By creating positive karma thus positive energy, our thoughts CAN and WILL manifest into our REALITY.

My Biggest Fear is My Biggest Secret

   Everyone is afraid of something... fear of heights, fear of death, fear of spiders, etc. Even though some of us want to portray themselves as fearless and tough, deep down we all have things that we are afraid of. I hide something from people, it's my biggest secret. My biggest fear is being rejected.

   We all want to be accepted, it's human nature. I like to portray a level of confidence wherever I go, but inside I'm scared. I want people to like me, to accept me, to love me. I don't want to be rejected, abandoned, taunted, or dismissed. This fear is my biggest secret because if people know I am afraid of rejection that makes me very vulnerable. I may seem weak or frail and easy to take advantage of. I am a super-sensitive person and I can get hurt easily.

   I love people. I believe in unity in diversity. I possess an abundance of love, empathy and compassion for other people and I wish we could "all just get along". In a perfect world, we would all love and accept one another. Unfortunately this is not a perfect world and not all people are nice and "good". People can be mean, cruel, manipulative, even violent. Some people are just out for themselves and will stop at nothing to get what they want. It's very sad and disheartening, but it's true.

   I have been hurt, rejected, ridiculed, and abandoned before and it has caused me great pain. As a child in school, kids could be cruel, boyfriends broke up with me, etc. As an adult, people were close-minded and prejudiced, I have experienced and witnessed abuse, betrayal, and genuine lack of love. I just want to be liked and accepted, just like everyone else. For me, it is a very sensitive subject because I am so sensitive. I want to exude confidence because I believe that confidence looks best on a person. People are drawn to confident people. Deep down inside though, I'm just a scared little girl who just wants to be accepted, not rejected.

   I know that my fear and biggest secret may seem silly to some people, but it is very real to me. I know that I need to build more self-love and inner confidence. Those things are the foundation to a confident person. Everyone wants people to like and accept them, but I think that I may want it, need it too much. The need for approval must stem from some deep place within my soul, some past experiences that have really hurt and scarred me. I must learn how to conquer this fear though. I must become a stronger and more confident person.

   And I have noticed that once I talk about a weakness, vulnerability, or fear, it definitely loses it's depth of scariness anymore. 

Rewire

We are all born with a blank slate. Our road map is literally barren terrain, untreaded on. As a completely pure and innocent child, environmental circumstances, and childhood experiences, teach us how to build and form the "roads" on our barren terrain, our clean slate.

   As we begin to tread these familiar roads more and more, mostly out of habit and comfort, the roads become engrained deeper, deeper, and more distinct. As an adult, we almost have to "rewire" our brain, to try new paths, to escape what we have become so accustomed to.

   I know that it only gets harder the older that we get. It is sad to see older, mainly middle-aged people or older, who are so "set in their ways that is almost like trying to turn a train full-speed ahead and make it do a full 180%.

   The message is simply this... the younger you are, the easier it is to save yourself from a mental imprisonment where only you hold the key. But the only thing constant in life is change, and CHANGE IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE, no matter what your age.

   So even taking a different route home from work than you usually do, or putting on one sock and one shoe, instead of both socks and then both shoes, is good mini-steps to rewiring the deep-set roads already formed in the brain. The older and wiser one gets, the more they realize that they really know nothing at all. Life may be a constant struggle, as it is for all of us, but with a little perserverance and openmindedness, we CAN always improve ourselves!!!

Under Hazy Skies

Through the

hazy skies, I see the sun

   I feel the burning heat and I feel as ONE

   I know that in essence we are born pure

   We get lost in this mechanical world, where evil does lurk

    Under hazy eyes, I see the radiating, undulating rays of the sun

   I feel that we are each a ray, coming out of our god, the sun

   We are on a hazy journey, but in the end, salvation will come

   The emptiness and loneliness will slip away

   We will be happy to be reunited with another sunny day

   Under hazy eyes, I can lose all of my fears

   And know that someday my eyes will become clear...

Into the Land of the True

I unveil the delicate curtain into the land of the real

   Where we are true to purely shine, where we aren't afraid to feel

   Where we are able to open up and cry

   To relax and keep it true under illuminating blue skies

   I want to feel happy I desire to SHINE

   I can reach the next level, I can touch the divine

   Clear my mental realm, I want to start all over again

   Like a newborn child, so pure and content

   It's time to be reborn and vulnerable, like everything is NEW

   Lets be the chosen children, we can be one of the few

    So take my hand into the land of the true

   Watch your dreams become your reality

   Melt into Mother Nature, blend into the sky so blue

   Behold--The unfathomable land of purity, love, and truth...

  So take my hand into the land of the true

    Watch your dreams become your reality

   Melt into Mother Nature, blend into the sky so blue

   Behold--The unfathomable land of the true...

  

I Seek Release

Let the sweat pour down and wash over me

   In the deafening dawn

   I strive for a gentle reprieve

   My thoughts, in disarray, are seeping through the vaccum filter of my mind

   I cry out in dismay

   I'm seeking solace from my mental imprisonment

   Inklings of venom slither onto the embankment of my consciousness

   I'm testing and tearing at the seams of reality

   I'm ready to surrender to perceptions of serenity

   Let my frantic fanatics dissolve into the bitter sea

   A sweet symphony

   I yearn to break out of the confines of my confusion

   I've wept tears of acid rain

   I've knealt before Kwan Yin

   Absolve me from my sins

   I'm enmeshed in a sea of faces--

   My disturbed entanglement

   Is it possible?

   Could there be a release?

Collide With Me

I can't get you out of my head

   though I haven't even met you yet

   Destiny is calling me

   I'm treading water in your ocean

   Your tide sweeps over me

   Where are you, my mysterious horseman?

   I'm trudging through the trenches deep

   I want to feel your sunlight penetrate into my pores

   Possess me, consume me

   Collide with me

   Serenade me with your symphony

   Where have you been?

   Camouflaged in the canva of my life

   Do I deserve another half to complete my whole?

   I'm still human and flawed

   Let my fears wash away in the pool of my transgressions

   Take my hand, mysterious man

   Possess me, consume me

   Collide with me

Making Amends

Amends aren't something to make once and then be forgotten. There will be amends that you will have to make for the rest of your life. Every time that you speak unkind words or do something to hurt someone, amends are in order. In constantly being aware of when amends have to be made and following through with making them, we have a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

   Recently, I had been working on amends to clear away the wreckage of my past. I have approached as many people whom I have harmed that I can remember, as long as when to do so wouldn't injure them, myself, or others. It has surely been a struggle, but for the most part, the results have been rewarding and well worth it. Some people though were not ready to accept my apologies, which was to be expected. People are not always willing to forgive and forget when you want them to. I know that my behavior, especially my drug and alcohol abuse, has affected more people than just myself. I have invoked worry, heartache, and pain in all those who loved and cared for me. But all that I can do is clean my side of the street. I can't control other people, but at least I can feel at peace with having cleared away my debris.

   Although I am nowhere near done when it comes to making amends. I am an imperfect creature and therefore make mistakes on a daily basis. We can't let our pride and ego get in the way of making amends. We all want things to go our way and we always want to be right. I continually find that I have to swallow my pride and deflate my ego when amends need to be made. No one is above having to "make right" their wrongs. In making amends on a daily basis, I have learned a lot about myself and about my character defects. I have recognised patterns in my behavior and been able to identify core problems.

   If we are meticulous and thorough about this aspect of our growth as a human being, then we will be filled with amazement and wonder. Our lives will change before our very eyes-- for the better! If we make amends when our heart tells us it's the right thing to do, we will feel so much more liberated. We will be trudging the road to happy destiny

Welcome to Salvation

Raindrops of redemption soak me to the core

   Let my fears wash away in the pool of my trangressions

   My life is a menagerie of colorful images

   The day filters through with it's illuminous illustrations

   I keep my eyes unprejudiced and my mind wide open

   Empathy is my remedy

   Let the angels of mercy come down--

   Let them wrap their wings of reconcilliation around me

   The clouds are finally clearing

   Peace of mind is setting in

   The worst is over now, I can live again

   I want to be weightless and free

   I'm swimming in a pool of possibilities

   I'm embraced with overtures of opportunity

   I marvel at the delicate dusk

   The magic, the splendor, the awe

   Please don't destroy my delicate daydream

   I'm returning to innocence

   My spirituality is strong, cannot be ruptured

   Welcome to salvation

The Fight

I rise up from the ruins and only to my surmise, I slept on a rock and fall back into my failures, fall back into my disease. My soul is pure but my mind is trying to change me, derange me. I tried to climb back up the rocky terrain, I'm fumbling for a grasp on reality. Condemned to chaos, that's how I feel. Layers of fall cities, I must strip, I must peel. I tell myself I can do this, I can rise above this insanity. I must always remember it is darkest before the dawn. I open my arms, I let the sunshine cleanse me. Hoping that my angst will just fall off and die. Just as I want to give up and cry. Then tears of wonder envelope my newborn eyes. Suddenly strengthened by hope and inspiration, I slowly begin to rise. Reinforcements of recognition stabilize and comfort me. I have finally found the pathway to peace, the means to break free.... 

I'm Not Afraid Anymore

I have really been growing spiritually lately. I spent a lot of time in jails, prison, and other institutions throughout most of my twenties. It hardened me in the way that I really thought that everyone was out for themselves, had underlying motives, and wanted to take advantage of my kindness. Everyone was out to hurt me and expose my weaknesses for their own personal gain. I had a very negative perception of people.

   Now I know that is not true. Yes there are some people who fit that description, but deep down I truly believe that all people are inherrently good and all innately want one thing: to give love and be loved. We all want to feel accepted. We all want to feel a sense of inner peace and belonging. We are all little children underneath our layers of falsities, fronts, and protective shields that we build around ourselves.

   In knowing this, I can more easily reach out to people, take down my walls and truly connect with people on a deeper level. I can set aside my fears of people and form deeper, more meaningful relationships. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I am learning to fly. I am testing the water, taking small baby steps. In doing this, I am seeing that instead of getting hurt, people are opening up and reaching back to me. I am forming true friendships and gaining a newfound peace and happiness.

   My fears and anxieties that I have been carrying with me for so long have really compromised my happiness and well-being. My fears are leaving me now. I am beginning to feel weightless and free. I know that there is a lot more growth and learning on this journey and I am looking forward to growing older, because with age comes wisdom. I am embracing life now with open arms, not hiding from it. I am not that scared little girl that I once was, and I am proud to say: I am beginning to not be afraid anymore...

The Promise Land

I feel compelled to communicate my soul

   Where am I going? Am I destined to grow?

   I long to evolve into an enlightened being

   Sometimes I'm confused as to what I am feeling

   I desire to be lighthearted, weightless and free

   I'm clawing, fighting, and grasping to see

   I'm praying for mercy, I'm down on my knees

   Where is my redemption? Where is my release?

   Unveil the cloak from my weary eyes

   Somehow I must confront this conflict inside

   Lessons learned, memories relived

   Much life to live, much love to give

   Awakened to revelation, upright where I stand

   Someday I will cross the threshold, pass into the promise land...

Our True Sixth Sense

Our brain is our TRUE sixth sense. Just like our sight, sound, smell,taste, and touch.


   These are the "tools"that we are given in this life. We go through so many lifetimes as we need to in our physical "shells" here on this earth until our souls reach perfection.


   It is then that we attain a sublime awareness- enlightenment. When our sols are "perfected",then we leave our "shells" after our final lifetime.


   Our brains die with our physical body, as does all our physical senses. Our SOULS are immortal.


   Our souls are our feelings, our pure raw emotion. It's the fire inside of us, the "music" inside of our souls.


   We will all get there someday, it may take some souls longer than others, but we will still all get to that same place eventually. A place of pure love and peace, no more suffering.

Working on Myself

I need to work on myself

   Fear is my hindrance, a blockage to enlightened perception

   I don't want to live in that realm anymore

   I want to let go of these ties that bind

   I strive to feel life to the fullest and truly feel ALIVE

   I don't want to live with this wool over my eyes

   My fear is my own worst enemy and it's stifling my life

   Although I'm not afraid to admit my flaws

   I'm not afraid to cry

   I don't want to hold in my insecurities

   I want to surrender to possible rejection

   For I'll never know if I don't give it a try

   I am aware of my faults and that is a step towards the light

   Now comes the venture of trying to evolve

   A spiritual perfection, so pure and true

   Never living behind a mask or disguise

   I don't want to settle for a life of what-ifs and regrets

I'm a Doormat No More

  Have you ever heard the saying "You treat people how to treat you"? Well it is so true and I have been teaching my boyfriend how to treat me for far too long. I continue to stay with him even after he gets physical with me, calls me cruel thoughtless names, mentally abuses me, fails to acknowledge anything that I tell him he did or said that hurt me and in defensive mode throws things in my face that has happened months, even years ago.  

   All of these things that I have mentioned are childish and in my opinion, a cowards way out. I deserve to be treated with kindness, honesty and respect. And the fact that I continue to stay and if I do leave, I eventually end up coming back. That is teaching him that it's okay because there is no incentive for him to stop.

   When I cry from being hurt, he will make fun of me for that. He thinks that crying is a sign of immaturity and is childless. So instead of him trying to really listen to me, comfort me, and apologize, he will belittle me and hurt me. He will own up to nothing and actually trys to turn the heat off of himself and put me in the spotlight.

   If I am the one who comes to him about specific things that have hurt me as a result of him, then that means that it has hurt me enough that I come to him and try to communicate to resolve the situation. He will immediately respond with whatever ammunition he can think of. And then if I ask him to please explain to me what I have done specifically that have made him hurt or angry, he is never been able to come up with specifics. Obviously if something upset him enough, he will either try to communicate with me or at the least be able to come up with what I said or did that upset him.

   I feel like his maid and mother more than I do his fiancé. I rarely get a thank you or any appreciation for all the things that I do for him and around the house. And never has he ever attempted to wash the dishes, do laundry, just even sweep a room to try to make me happy.

   I always tell him that actions speak louder than words. He can tell me that he loves me and that I mean so much to him but his actions contradict those words. I feel like a second class citizen in this house. I come after his friends, family... He didn't get me anything for my birthday, our anniversary yesterday... How is it that he will get his mother a birthday card or a gift at the beginning of the month when he still has money, but doesn't find it important enough to do the same for me? He will also be generous and giving to others, but will charge me, or make there be some course of action that I must take to deserve it.

   Now anyone reading this knows that this is not how you are supposed to treat their   Have you ever heard the saying "You treat people how to treat you"? Well it is so true and I have been teaching my boyfriend how to treat me for far too long. I continue to stay with him even after he gets physical with me, calls me cruel thoughtless names, mentally abuses me, fails to acknowledge anything that I tell him he did or said that hurt me and in defensive mode throws things in my face that has happened months, even years ago.  

   All of these things that I have mentioned are childish and in my opinion, a cowards way out. I deserve to be treated with kindness, honesty and respect. And the fact that I continue to stay and if I do leave, I eventually end up coming back. That is teaching him that it's okay because there is no incentive for him to stop.

   When I cry from being hurt, he will make fun of me for that. He thinks that crying is a sign of immaturity and is childless. So instead of him trying to really listen to me, comfort me, and apologize, he will belittle me and hurt me. He will own up to nothing and actually trys to turn the heat off of himself and put me in the spotlight.

   If I am the one who comes to him about specific things that have hurt me as a result of him, then that means that it has hurt me enough that I come to him and try to communicate to resolve the situation. He will immediately respond with whatever ammunition he can think of. And then if I ask him to please explain to me what I have done specifically that have made him hurt or angry, he is never been able to come up with specifics. Obviously if something upset him enough, he will either try to communicate with me or at the least be able to come up with what I said or did that upset him.

   I feel like his maid and mother more than I do his fiancé. I rarely get a thank you or any appreciation for all the things that I do for him and around the house. And never has he ever attempted to wash the dishes, do laundry, just even sweep a room to try to make me happy.

   I always tell him that actions speak louder than words. He can tell me that he loves me and that I mean so much to him but his actions contradict those words. I feel like a second class citizen in this house. I come after his friends, family... He didn't get me anything for my birthday, our anniversary yesterday... How is it that he will get his mother a birthday card or a gift at the beginning of the month when he still has money, but doesn't find it important enough to do the same for me? He will also be generous and giving to others, but will charge me, or make there be some course of action that I must take to deserve it.

   Now anyone reading this knows that this is not how you are supposed to treat their significant other treat anyone as a human being. I cannot continue to try to make us better if I'm the only one willing to make any effort. And I must love and respect myself enough to know that I don't deserve to be treated this way. I would be more happy alone than to go through constant pain, a rollacoster ride with my emotions being disregarded and played with constantly. I have come to the conclusion that I deserve to be treated with as much thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect that I give them. I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT ANYMORE.significant other treat anyone as a human being. I cannot continue to try to make us better if I'm the only one willing to make any effort. And I must love and respect myself enough to know that I don't deserve to be treated this way. I would be more happy alone than to go through constant pain, a rollacoster ride with my emotions being disregarded and played with constantly. I have come to the conclusion that I deserve to be treated with as much thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect that I give them. I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT ANYMORE.

Randomness and Non Dissonance

I have come to a recent epiphany about life due to some recent multiple personal experiences. I have come to the conclusion that if i have any rules, schedules, or dissonance to doing something that doesn't feel comfortable or familiar or habit, I am truly denying myself of some very important feelings and experiences. I have recently agreed to do things, try things, engage in things that I was originally in resistance to. After reluctantly accepting these other ideas and paths, I have come to the conclusion that I sincerely and surprisingly enjoyed these alternate activities immensely, random, non conventional to myself activities or paths have ultimately ended up making me feel so grateful that I did it, made me feel so alive and carefree. Don't place so many rules and standards on your life and you just may be refreshingly surprised and enlightened! !!!!!

Never Compromise Your Soul

   I have been wanting to write this one for awhile, I believe that we all must take heed to this message. Everyone, every person, music, television show, movie...everything that we consciously choose to surround ourselves with is going to vibrate at a certain level, a certain frequency. If we are choosing low frequency people to surround ourselves with, it can be very detrimental to our state of mind.

   We need to practice self love and in aquiring that, we can love ourselves enough to never sacrifice our inner peace to appease another by resigning to spend our time with them. We are good enough, we do deserve to be happy.

   I have gotten myself into situations with people that I have known can only bring me down and then have gotten angry with myself for agreeing to spend time with them because I was scared of hurting their feelings or didn't want them to feel lonely. That's never a good mind space to be in.

   Something that I thoroughly enjoy now more than ever, is my own solitude. I enjoy myself and love myself now more than ever. It's quite difficult to find people that truly unconditionally love you and vibrate at a high frequency, who will encourage positive growth and learning, and who appreciate the beautiful being that you are.

   All I can say is that anything that brings us down, anything that does not serve us positively, does not belong in our mind space. We must nurture our soul and our soul is the one thing we can't compromise. ..

To My Twin Flame

   This divine thing that we have between us can only be described as interstellar and sublime. To even begin to try to comprehend and explain the innermost and unfathomable depths of my heart and my feelings I feel for you is in no way able to be described in words. I know that I would only be able to physically show you when we are finally together, through eye contact physically and demonstrative acts of love, and it's a challenging job though through just written or spoken words.     

   You make my heart soar, set it ablaze, to undesirable heights and you burn like a fire inside of my spiritual temple which is what encompasses my soul. You have helped to have the complete confidence in the blatantly true, intense, spiritual love that cannot be explained in any way with normal comprehension. 

   I just ask that you can find the courage to put your true faith in me - in Us - because what we have is otherworldly and absolutely attainable and sustainable.                    

   My love, you are more than the mere words "soulmate", I can not even attempt to describe what you are to me. You are my twin flame, my other half , my strengths where I am weak and my hope when I am desolate and in despair. I really hope that I can do the same for you as you have done over and over again for me and I wouldn't trade all of the pain in the world at any time that I have experienced in this relationship to trade it in for a life without you, my partner for life.

   Words like "I love you" don't even seem like enough. I would shout it out to the world to profess my deep love, respect, and compassion that I hold dearly for you. Just in saying that I am beyond feeling blessed that I have finally found my other spiritual half, I will always think of ways that I can express it more. I do believe that we have manifested each other and it is overwhelmingly breathtaking. I so look forward to going through this journey called life with you, I would be and already am, so honoured to be the love of your life as well.

Love Hurts

Inspiration is creeping up like clouds in a boundless sky

   I'm resisting the urge to cower in a corner and cry

   There's so much more to life than meets the eye

   I find solace in the menagerie of the moonlit sky

   Why does melancholy ache so bad?

   You're the only truth I've ever known, the only love I've ever truly had

   My heart needs stitching,  needs to mend

   I'll write a letter to you but will never actually send

   This hurts so bad, my aching heart is severed

  I wish I could let go, but I'll love him forever

Samadhi

When we are able to come out of our perspective of our individual existence in a body, we can collapse our identities and merge into singularity, into God consciousness. Where we can truly experience oneness and die a material death, being spiritually reborn into a realm of blended energies, no duality or polarities, our inner sanctuary of samadhi.
We must shake off our expectations, prior conceptions and identifications. We must remove our perception deception tinted glasses, recede into nothingness, merge into oneness. We all have that spark of divinity within us, beckoning us to pick up our flint and steel, transmute that spark into an engulfing and all encompassing flame. The spark of divinity can dispel all darkness, remove all obstacles, lift all veils of illusion. We must journey to our atman - our true selves. Destined we are to return home, likened to an undeniable magnetic pull towards truth. The main focus of our lives, the most important aspect of our existence, should be to better know our true selves, to move towards achievement of samadhi. ..

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY. ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL

I'm sorry that I wasn't there to listen to your hard times and fears, 

I'm sorry that we've grown so apart over the years. 

If I could go back in time and do things differently, I definitely would. 

I've always tried to honor your interests and feelings and made you feel as loved and amazing as I could. 

The shame and guilt of never having enough time, time always slipping away, everyday that I didn't see you breaks my heart. 

Never did you have anyone consistently there to show you that it's okay to cry, to feel, to be open, and real, so that you can heal. 

This saddens me to the core and hurts my heart a great deal. 

I wish I knew so much more about you, your habits, your inner workings, your weaknesses, and your strengths. 

From now on I want to be completely transparent and honest with you feel close to you and for this I would go to any lengths. 

There has been so much time that we can never get back but still so much time still ahead of us. 

I want to be there with you, always in your corner, always there to turn to, with unconditional love complete honesty, communication, and trust. 

I have not been a perfect person, I have not been a perfect mother, I hope that someday you can fully understand. 

I hope that you will forgive me and try to give me a second chance...